Ten years ago, if someone were to ask me if I would be single in ten years I would’ve replied, “Not a chance!” However, here I am single as a dollar bill and I guess the real truth to the story is that I’m no fortune teller. As a matter of fact, looking back, I was wrong about a lot of things. Especially when it came to men. It came to mind yesterday when I was looking through an old journal and I read a passage that I wrote when I was 14. It’s funny and a little sad, really, when I think about what could’ve happened had I known better. The entry read:
“Today was awful! I like him so much but I can’t say anything. I have to wait for him to talk to me. Boys are hunters, like boy scouts, and I have to be like the prey or like an item on his scavenger hunt! I can’t call him! Swear to yourself you won’t call him. I swear. No crossies! Fine. I swear. I hate this! It’s torture. Why won’t he just call me???”
Do you see where I’m going with all of this? When I was 14 I thought I had the whole love game figured out. Come to find out the only game I was playing was a losing one. Here are the top ten things I have learned about the opposite sex:
This may be a hard one to swallow, girls, but its true. Just because you like a guy doesn’t mean that he knows that. It’s not like your heart sent his heart a text message when you met him, although that would be amazing. The point is, just because you feel something doesn’t mean it’s “written all over your face.” This fact was never truer than last month when I ran into a guy I used to moon over when I was 16. Somewhere in our conversation it came up that I used to have this huge crush on him. I absolutely died when he said that he wished he would’ve known because he liked me too. It’s times like these when I wish I had a rewind button for life.
When I broke up with my ex—well, two ex’s ago, I thought that he was the most insensitive person in the world. He was like a stonewall. Even in the end he acted like he didn’t care that we were breaking up. Then later, after the hurt feelings went away and we got to sit down and talk about it he told me how much the mean things that I said hurt him. I asked him why he didn’t say anything and why he acted like he didn’t care. He told me that he didn’t want to make me feel the way that I made him feel…Well aren’t I the asshole.
The list of guys that I never even got to know because I wouldn’t answer their phone calls or text them back is neverending. For some reason I thought that they would just keep calling and I could talk to them whenever I felt like it. Completely wrong! Everyone has limits. And unless the guy is a stalker eventually after a few failed attempts at pursuing you he will give up and find some who is as into him as he is. There is no point in pretending you don’t like someone that you do, just like there is no point in pretending you like someone you don’t…unless they’re rich…I’m just kidding...sort of.
One thing that I have learned about guys, and maybe the most valuable is that they express their emotions totally different that we girls do. They generally don’t remember birthdays or anniversaries and they may forget to call but, that doesn’t mean that they don’t care. Girls associate having a good memory with love. “If you loved me you’d remember my birthday!” Guys don’t. At all. To them, remembering the anniversary of your first date means nothing in comparison to the fact that they let you control the remote or that they want you to hang out with his friends. Learning to accept that fact will really help you appreciate how sweet guys are.
Don’t ever, never, ever, ever utter the fatal words: “Do you think she’s prettier than me.” It’s like arsenic. You’re relationship is over. You’ve just dropped an atom bomb on whatever good thing you had going. The worst thing a girl can do is let her boyfriend, or potential boyfriend know that she’s insecure. Yes, I know I said before that it’s ok to be insecure, and it is. You’re boyfriend, however, doesn’t need to know that. Confidence is like a giant magnet and boys are like nickels. They love confidence, they stick to it. Be the magnet.
It may be hard to get the image of Casanova out of your mind but, seriously not all guys are players. A lot of guys actually like having relationships. Granted, there are a few out there ruining it for the good ones but, most guys want a girlfriend. Maybe not the kind that picks out his clothes and calls him “Pudding Pie” but, they want a girlfriend, a sane girlfriend.
Referring back to my journal entry, I can’t help but ask myself, “What were you thinking; Boy Scout scavenger hunts? I must have been watching too much television because my brain was turning to mush. I couldn’t call him even though I wanted to call him because he had to call me because he was like a hunter? It still doesn’t make sense to me. It didn’t occur to me then that there was any such thing as a “shy guy” which, I have found I really like. The quiet ones aren’t the first to ask for your number but, they’ll answer when you call.
I used to really like exciting guys. Well, lets say I liked guys that I thought were exciting. They wouldn’t call for days and then they’d call with some charming excuse and I’d be strung along like a kite. I thought that was exciting, there was tension, butterflies. I thought wrong. I have found that every single guy that I thought was stringing me along, was actually stringing me along. When a guy is really interested in you there’s no doubt about it. He’ll call when he says he’s going to, he’ll be on his A game because he won’t want to lose you to the next guy. Trust me.
For me, this was a hard lesson learn because, you see, I’ve always loved animal shelters. I would go in and find that lonely mut hiding in the back of their cage and imagine a different life for the dog. I would beg my mom to take me take it home with me. I tried to petition to her that I could make it better that, with love and proper care that it could be a different dog. My mother never let me take a dog home. I resented her for it until I met a gorgeous guy at a party and I was totally into him. He was the life of the party and I could tell he liked to go out. Something I didn’t do much of at all but, when he asked for my number, I gave it to him. The next night when he called me he asked if I was going out tonight and I told him that I was going to stay in and read. There was a long pause before he said, “Ohhhhh, you read and stuff?” He never called again. You can’t make someone be something they’re not, no matter how gorgeous they are. “They’d be perfect for me If…” isn’t good enough for you. You deserve the full package, no assembly required.
And when they do they fall hard. A man in love is like a wildfire, crazy and brilliant. The misconception that love is a female emotion is just plain silly. When you find a guy who is head over heels for you look out! I’ve heard some guys describe their feelings to be like a disease, consuming every part of them. It’s sort of romantic when you get the thought of Ebola out of your mind
